Forgiveness can be a touchy subject for some. What is true forgiveness, and how do we know if we have truly forgiven a situation?
During the course of our lifetime, we may experience negative situations such as betrayal of trust, physical abuse, or bullying. These experiences are not pleasant at all and can lead to bitter resentment.
When we forgive someone, we have to put ourselves in that person’s shoes. Perhaps we would not have made the same mistakes as them, but we have to also realize that we do not know the other person that well either. They most likely have a host of insecurities of their own, and so they might be taking it out on you.
That being said, you don’t have to stand for negativity from others. You don’t have to stay stuck in a crappy situation. You can say, “No thanks” and move on. This is the way of forgiving and forgetting. You don’t seek revenge. Rather, you accept the situation, separate yourself from it, and move onto a better path.
It can take some time to get used to being on a better path. Part of it is that you have to let go. Surrender to a new reality. Or if you’re really feeling stuck, try journalling out your thoughts. Listen to some music that gets your feelings out.
If you’re having trouble forgiving someone close to you such as a friend or family member, you can maybe start off with writing a letter to them explaining why you are upset with them. Or, you can jot down notes and then later explain to them when you are ready. There is always a chance that they may not understand your viewpoint, but at least you will have tried. And if you feel as if the relationship is not going anywhere and is stagnant, it may be a sign that you just need to move on altogether. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, the earlier you leave a relationship that is no longer serving you, the quicker you will reach recovery.
You don’t have to leave on bitter terms either. You can gradually wean off from negative relationships, moving on to more positive or supporting connections. Most people catch on to nonverbal cues. And if not, you can simply tell them that you’ve been prioritizing time elsewhere.
For toxic relationships, you may have to be more blunt than you may want to. You have to be stern about your limitations and boundaries. And if someone disrespects you, you have every right to move on and forget that person. There are many people in the world who are selfish leeches. You don’t have to feel like you have to comply with all their requests. Remove the leeches and embrace a better reality for yourself. It may seem selfish, but that is what true forgiveness is like. Forgive, forget, and move on.
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