Wow, I haven’t posted anything on here in over a year. I guess I wasn’t sure what to say. Or, I didn’t think I had anything valuable to say. I haven’t really thought so much about this blog either.
When I logged into my account, I had 2,258 comments pending. I looked through the first few pages and saw that they were mostly spam. Maybe I should disable comments. Most comments don’t have anything valuable to contribute anyway, at least not on my blog.
I started an Instagram page where I show my body hair, such as on my legs or arms. I started to get a lot of weird comments, mostly men sexualizing my body parts or asking me why I haven’t responded to their DMs. I limited comments for a bit, which was nice, except I wasn’t sure if the engagement of my posts were going down. So, I turned them on again. I still got some weird comments, so then I experimented with manually filtering some of the comments. I added filters with words that I found to be inappropriate, and that hid some of the distasteful comments.
For my blog though, I don’t really see a reason to have the comments turned on. Some people like to read the comments of a blog post, but the comments I usually get aren’t that worthwhile. So, I’ll probably turn them off.
I thought about what I’d want to do with my blog after this year. I currently have a pretty crappy relationship with my hosting service. They charged me fees for things that I asked them to remove years ago, and then instead of refunding me, they gave me a crappy credit, which wasn’t even for the full amount. Instead of around $40 of credit, they gave me only $13. I figured it wasn’t worth arguing over since it was so small of a charge, and instead I’ll be moving to a new host. But, I wondered what my website would look like. Would it still be a blog? Would it showcase my music? Do I still want to use WordPress? I’m not sure. I thought about selling services online like tutoring in various subjects. I’m still deciding…
I want to try a new format/layout for my blog if I decide to keep it as a blog. Initially two years back, I thought that I could blog every day and eventually start making money from this. I made a little money, but not even enough to cash out. To give you an idea of what this blog makes currently, I’ve made a total of $0.03 in the past 30 days, haha! I guess it’s not really worthwhile to pursue blogging. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there’s methods for making money through your blog. I just haven’t experienced it myself. I don’t know enough about making money through blogging. I feel like it was easier way before, like in 2005. I had blogs even prior to that, but they were more like diaries and I deleted them time after time. I also used to use to free services like Xanga or Blogspot. I didn’t have my own website until… hmmm… maybe my last few years of college?
I haven’t been as motivated to do things. Well, I have motivation to do I guess meaningless things, like play some games or watch videos. I just haven’t been passionate about making music or starting my own freelancing business for example. Sometimes, I think it’s because I’m spending most of my energy just trying to distract myself with easy activities from hearing voices. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with hearing voices, especially in the evenings and at night when I’m in bed trying to fall asleep. I used to have to deal with it a lot in the day too, so I eventually found that distracting myself with watching videos helped, and I would keep doing that. I’ve talked to different therapists and doctors, and I haven’t found anything particularly useful or helpful outside of what I’ve been trying to do.
I’ve been going to a CBT therapist to see if it would help me. It has in some ways, but now I feel as if I’ve hit a plateau. Also, it made me think maybe I should try joining Steve Pavlina’s Conscious Growth Club instead. I’d have to wait until next year to join though. I tried it when it was in early access, and it was going well. The only problem was I shortly had psychosis after joining, was hospitalized a few times, and then was told that I shouldn’t use computers or screens for too long. So, I ended up getting a refund and leaving the program. I definitely would have left anyway because I was experiencing psychosis and it was hard to focus on reality as I was constantly listening to the voices I was hearing. It wouldn’t have been effective for me. But now that I understand that it’s a voice I’m hearing and am rooted back into reality, I feel like Conscious Growth Club might be a good option for me. I could try it again and try to refocus on passive income. Maybe Steve and the others in the program could help me figure out what’s holding me back from pursuing certain goals such as creating a new song from scratch.
Wow, I ended up writing a lot more than expected. A month or so ago, I was motivated to create YouTube videos again. But, I kind of got stuck because I wasn’t sure how to organize my thoughts. After writing all of this, I feel as if blogging is easier. So maybe instead of creating YouTube videos, I will blog instead. It’s not a set goal, but I’ll consider it. It feels nice writing after such a long time. I guess if I do, I could also revamp my website. I don’t think the email signup is working well. A while back, I tested a newsletter, and I believe they said I violated the ToS. But I don’t know what I did wrong. Either way, I’ll probably have to create a new email listing.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading. 🙂
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