Failure is inevitable. We all make mistakes in our life. We all fell down many times before we took our first step. We all babble random sounds until we say our first word. So, failure isn’t something to fear.
Also, failure isn’t something we “are”. Failure is just something we experience. And, that is subjective. For example, some people would consider it a failure to receive any mark lower than an A+ in a subject. But, some people might consider a B to be successful to. But let’s say you consider a B to be a failure. You can still try to do better next time. You don’t have to let that grade put your mood down.
In life, if you take risks, there’s the risk of failing. And, you can always get back up. Even if you become ill, you can do your best to recover. You don’t have to let it define you and become what you are.
For example, I hear voices. From the beginning, I didn’t identify as “mentally ill” because I was still able to function at a high level despite hearing voices. For the past year or so, I did consider myself “mentally ill” because I had trouble coping with how negative the voice became and how much it would try to control my life. But even now, I know logically that I am not a mental illness. I am not defined by it. I am my own person facing my own set of unique circumstances, and I am overcoming it each day. I am a strong person. These days, I’m not super religious, so I hope no one gets offended by this. This is just what I say to stay strong. Sometimes, I think that if God cursed me with the voice or wanted me to suffer, then I must be better than God because I would not create this illness in anyone. I would not allow people to hear voices like I do, especially ones that could move their bodies or control what they say. With an attitude of “I am better than God”, I feel like my life is worthy and that one day I will be rewarded for all the times I suffered, especially through this circumstance that I experience. I am not ill. I am suffering, and I look forward to the day when I can wake up, not hear a voice, be entirely myself, not feel controlled by any external force, and feel free to do whatever I want. I can’t wait until I can one day again experience the true meaning of free will.
For the past few years, I haven’t been making any real progress. Just bits at a time, but nothing major. I realize that I have my whole life ahead of me. I turn thirty years old in fifteen months. I thought it’d be a milestone in terms of how much financial wealth I’d have. Now, I’m definitely better off than some people. But, I always thought I’d have more than I do right now. Still, I don’t think I’m a failure in this respect. Lots of people lose lots of money or make lots of money and then lose it or only make lots of money much later in life. Money comes and goes. And, money just represents choices. I’m doing okay with the money I have right now. Even if you’re thousands in debt, you’re not a failure. You can always try to learn from others who are better off and eventually reverse your situation. And even if that never happens, it doesn’t mean anything. At least you tried.
The other thing is, what good is it to identify yourself as being a failure? So you’re a failure. Now what? Does that mean you’ll always fail at everything you do? Does that mean you might as well not try now? That’s such a sad way to live. If you could see that you’re not a failure, that eventually you will succeed, that you can learn, that you can still try, that you can try new things, then you’d experience life much differently. And, you wouldn’t be so down on yourself for everything. The past is the past. You can’t change it. The only thing you can change is now. So, why take away your power?
Even the most successful people have failed many times in their life. They didn’t get the job they applied for, or they didn’t reach their goal. They lost their money in the stock market, or they didn’t get as many sales as they wanted. Things happen. The way you react is what makes you the same or different.
The first time I started sharing my music on YouTube, I got such critical comments and dislikes. I didn’t know how to mix and master, so people didn’t like the way it sounded. Eventually, I kept trying, learning how to add effects to my voice, and people liked it. One of those songs has maybe 250,000 listens over all the platforms it’s available on. I wouldn’t have gotten to the level of success if I hadn’t been persistent and tried learning from it.
Anyway, point is, you’re not a failure. You don’t have to identify as being a failure. You are more than your mistakes. You can learn from your past. You can move forward. You can seek help from others. And even if you go a long time experiencing the same problem (such as dealing with a illness, or coping with a loss), that’s okay. You will find your time. You will eventually overcome it. And if not, you will know at least you tried. For me, I don’t know when I’ll ever stop hearing voices or if it will even ever stop. I’m going to be cocky again and just say, “Well, at least I know that I am better than God.” HAHA. I know, religious people are going to feel so offended reading this. But, I think it’s good that I think so highly of myself. If I felt inferior to God and felt like I did something wrong, I would probably harm myself and end my life. But, I know I didn’t do anything wrong that would result in me being punished by voices. And if God were a humorous being, he would also laugh at this statement, that I am better than Him. He might even agree with me. I don’t subscribe to the belief that I’ll go to hell just because I disagree with God. You shouldn’t either. But, that’s another subject.
2020-09-02
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