Wanting to Do Everything, But Doing Nothing

wanting to do everything but doing nothing

There’s so many goals that I’d love to achieve, but then ultimately end up not working on. In a sense, I think I get overwhelmed by so many ideas that I don’t know where to start. Sometimes also, it seems like there are some timely opportunities that pop up, but the timing conflicts with other things that I’d also like to work on. So ultimately, I procrastinate in the best way I know how: watching videos, playing games, and spending a lot of time creating but not publishing.

Although I have already done my quarterly planning of goals, I still get distracted by other ideas/opportunities:

– Practicing driving again
– Nonfiction 30-day writing challenge (alternative to NaNoWriMo)
– Experimenting with AI writing tools
– Learning another foreign language (I even signed up for Arabic classes, which started today!)
– Streaming other content
– Producing videos of other content
– Continue re-organizing and decluttering
– Recalibrating my sleep schedule/patterns

I feel all over the place! (And, this doesn’t even include my 10 actual goals for this quarter.) I thought for sure I’d be further along with producing my upcoming music, but I’m actually pretty behind on schedule. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to produce the video that I had originally planned on filming.

This is actually why sometimes, I’m a bit opposed to having goals. On the one hand, goals can help to make progress (or can they?). But on the other hand, if the flow isn’t there, does it make sense to keep pushing? Wouldn’t that just be the opposite of my intention? Plus, isn’t it a bit odd to set an arbitrary timeline? Do I need a deadline to motivate myself to accomplish a goal? How will accomplishing the goal by a certain date be more meaningful than just allowing the process to happen? I guess it depends on what the goal is, and of course I wouldn’t want to keep delaying or prolonging the progress of something. But, then isn’t the intention what really matters? If the desire of the intention is strong, won’t there naturally be progress?

I’ve decided to possibly change or cut out a few of my quarterly goals. I still have a bit of time to revise them. Timing-wise, my music release goals didn’t align well with my disordered sleeping. I thought that my sleep was getting better, but it spiralled a bit out of control again. I can probably work on a less ambitious music release goal, while still addressing my sleep. That seems a bit more balanced and aligned.

I’m actually a bit curious about what a goalless year would end up being like. I had a few of those kind of goalless years when I was struggling with mental health, and that was a bit different due to the situation. But, I wonder what it would be like to just set intentions instead of goals. Maybe that would feel more meaningful.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I did accomplish something interesting the other day without having that particular goal in mind. That is, I applied for a position within less than 10 hours of finding out about it. I wasn’t intending to apply for a job at all, but happened to stumble upon it and think, “Huh, that’s something I’d probably enjoy doing.” I didn’t even have a resume handy, so I drafted up one quickly and submitted it.

I also did a bit of a test stream today at home. It was lagging a fair bit, and a friend helped me to troubleshoot it. I was testing the idea of a language practice hangout. I also found out that there is a way for me to stream Tricky Towers without it lagging super hardcore. (Woohoo!) So, that was a win of sorts.

I set an intention (to reality) for some progress of creative ideas a few days ago, so I wonder if these are the manifestations of that intention. I didn’t have a particular goal in mind, aside from getting one vocal draft done (which also happened).

I also wonder what it’d be like if I intended for good health in general, as opposed to a rigid sleep schedule or a particular physique.

This is the second quarter that I did this planning process through CGC. I think I’m curious to try a quarter of no planning and just seeing where it goes. I mean, even prior to the quarterly planning, I was still doing something, just not working towards anything in particular.

What is my intention? That is more and more of the question I’d like to figure out my answer to. In a sense, it could be purpose. And, purpose itself doesn’t need to have an end goal in mind.

Right now, since I’m feeling a bit tired and it’s not even dinnertime, I’m setting the intention of good health in all aspects of life. I’m also intending playfulness, creativity and discovery. 😌

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