Sometime during the pandemic, I got into the color rose gold. I’m a techie, so I noticed the trend of rose gold gadgets. It was quite gentle and aesthetically pleasing, compared to the standard black or gray or white… a pop of color, calming, and quiet elegance. Haaa, which is funny for me to say considering I tend to be thrifty. But for tech? NAAAH. It has to be high quality, or it ends up wasting more time (fixing, using, etc.).
So since the pandemic, I was surprised because I started getting addicted to rose gold anything. Okay, maybe not addicted, but… what’s the step before that? Doesn’t matter. Point is, I really enjoyed this color, aesthetic, and feel. It started translating into my wardrobe and through my digital content. When I was in high school, I remember eyeing rose gold jewelry. But due my upbringing, I never treated myself to anything luxury in terms of jewelry. (Well, anything really.) I think I may have like… one small gold ring, from when I was very young? And maybe the smallest pair of gold earrings. I know, some people don’t even own gold at all, so this is a first world rant. x’D But if you compare my material possessions to that of any other Desi girl born and raised in America? In my community? Teens to around my age? I don’t own much luxury, at all. Not handbags, not dresses, not perfume, not shoes…
And at first, I thought it was by choice. Well… sort of. On the one hand, I don’t see the point of buying something so expensive when I can buy basically the same thing at a much more affordable price, with the functionality and the aesthetic that I’m looking for. But at the same time, I do find myself eyeing certain items, whether online or at the store… And I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t need those things. Okay, yeah, I don’t. But does it have to be a necessity, to enjoy those things?
So I ended up rationalizing that at least tech is productive, purposeful… Tech is something I “need” for my career, for life in general… And rose gold makes me more productive. 😂
But then I started to notice, as I splurged in “small” things… First, it was getting my nails done more regularly. I can do them at home. I have a whole kit. I have regular, I have gel, I have rubber base and builder… But when I experienced terrible pains from tendonitis early on, it’d take way too long to do on my own. And then I met my favorite nail artist, and she does my nails sooo well, I don’t even know if I’ll ever return to doing them on my own. And you might think, nails? Girl? How is that productive? It doesn’t seem productive, until you realize how useful it is for content, for events… For strong nails that don’t crack randomly. For conversation starters. For the way people treat you? Can you believe? Or even in terms of my own appearance, I never made that connection before of just how energetic or alert I feel from a boost in my appearance. It doesn’t even matter to me what others think, because honestly I dress pretty “young”. But personally, I love it, I feel more confident… And I get a lot more done! It’s the same reason for why even if I’m working at home that day, I change out of my pajamas. (Again, first world problems, I know.)
Ever since getting into the mindset of “la vie en or rose”, my mindset has shifted. I no longer pretend that I don’t want certain things. It’s not just rose gold, or a color, or a style. If there’s something I need help with, I ask. And if someone is offended by me asking, I ask someone else. And when someone gives that disapproving look of “why in the world would you ask that”, I give them the classic Gen Z stare (👁️👄👁️). Because their opinion doesn’t matter as much as mine does. (: You don’t like what I request? Fine. But I’m not gonna change what I desire to make you feel comfortable. I’m not gonna build you up by downplaying myself. Not anymore.
I thought I was happy living this way… And honestly, I did feel that way for a while… But sometime later in life, I realized, I don’t have the life I want in terms of worldly possessions. And I asked myself, would I be happy having lived a quiet, humble, non-material life, if I were to pass away today…? And I honestly couldn’t say yes. Sure, it is my ego. I can acknowledge that. But… I guess beyond the material, it was my own capability. Would I ever be able to acquire those things? Would I ever be able to choose the thing I wanted, instead of weighing options, finding the “best deal”? Instead of upgrading to a better mic each time for a vocal performance, what if I could access the best one?
Some people say that in life, you “should” go through progression. Why? Some people have it from a very young age, the crème de la crème. According to Gen Alpha, I’m dead lol (“everyone in the ’90s is dead”. I’m dead, and I still am nowhere close to the life I envisioned. So for a while, I was living that illusion of “la vie en or rose” (I know, it’s one word off, but it’s my version). But now, the illusion is… slightly broken. I’ve become discontent. In chasing my dreams, my ambitions, my aspirations… it’s like I’ve open Pandora’s box. And I’m not quite sure why this same obstacle course appears in front of me, but with new variations each time… Because every single time I am ready for the change, I’m putting in the work, I’m allowing opportunities to show up… I wonder if it’s some kind of disturbance energetically, whether internally of externally… :’)
Evil eye? Well, wouldn’t everyone have that then? Karma? But if you don’t believe in it, doesn’t it “technically” not happen? Law of attraction? Law of polarity? God’s will? I mean, I honestly don’t know which one, but… where is the one where you just get what you want? x’D I’ve already had to pause on music so many times, when others blow up over a TikTok overnight and get signed the next day… I think perhaps I need to have a long talk with God and negotiate my life path…
2025-09-24